While some of you may have been studying for finals or putting in work at a job, the rest of us were captured by the entertainment tank called the Jersey Shore that steam rolled all of us as it became one of the highest rated shows on MTV. If the names “Snookie” and “the Situation” don’t ring a bell for you, I don’t know whether to suggest that you thank your lucky stars or immediately watch back episodes. I would like to recommend the latter for our fearless leaders in Washington D.C. Besides GTL (Gym, Tanning, Laundry), a motto that as a black female I strictly adhere to before going out, there is much to be learned from these self proclaimed guidos and guidettes.

The first thing one needs to do when packing their bags for the fairer shores of Jersey is assign yourself a nickname. Some nicknames from the show include: “JWoww” and “Sammy Sweatheart”. Pick a nickname that will stick and that you can throw into conversation as many times as you can. People like little bite size words that they can chew and that trigger emotional responses. “The Situation” and “Pauly D” weren’t schooled by political scientists and their complicated jargon of issue definition, and condensational symbolism to know that it’s all in the name. The first steps Obama should take for the public to pressure their representatives to vote for health care reform is to re-name it. “Health-Care Reform” is too boring and its function is exactly as it says. It doesn’t catch my attention, and doesn’t elicit any type of response in me besides perhaps my eyes glaze over (which I can’t even really afford right now because specialist co-pays are steep at Columbia). They need to let “slip” to some media outlet a better name for this piece of legislation. The Republicans are already one up in this game. They have assigned the name “death panel” to this bill. Quick. Easy. Simple. Just like “the Situation”, a small amount of information is fitted into a short, succinct, catch phrase of sorts. Republicans themselves have even proven that nicknames are easier to remember. We can all remember back to the VP candidate debates of last election and remember when Sarah Palin referred to Joe Biden as “OBiden”. That might not be such a bad idea for next election and perhaps Obama’s political consulting team should look into it. Any new initiatives should have an interesting emotion grabbing nickname associated with it. Perhaps “the Solution” (Conan O’Brian’s Jersey Shore nickname) would work to get the Healthcare Reform Bill passed.

Loyalty is key on the shore where there are always haters. Vinnie would have never allowed one of his crew members to crash and burn like the White House let the Scott Brown beat up on the Democratic candidate. The whole entire crew would have been in Massachusetts campaigning if one of their own was in a tight spot, not just when they were called, but because they were a team. Because of this disconnect in the Democratic Party during this time of need, now things are going to get even tougher for them in Congress. The Republicans on the other hand have a small tight posse in which the individuals possess small differences in opinion. While the Democrats are on both ends of the spectrum from moderate to liberal, the Republicans are one track minded. Just like the boys on the Jersey Shore have only one agenda during the summer which is to get girls, the Republican’s only goal in life is to stop the Democrats. They don’t even really have a leader of the party now, seeing as how they’ve ostracized Michael Steele, but they’re still able to accomplish their goals by voting “no” to all proposed legislation.

“Spin” previously negative racial comments into talking points. From the beginning of the show, Italian associations around the U.S. were angry about the misrepresentation of Italians through these self-aggrandizing “guidos”. The Jersey Shore crew was able to take ownership of a name previously used against them into a lifestyle that I myself now aspire to. When Harry Reid made comments on Obama’s complexion and non-Negro dialect, he should have taken the opportunity to address those issues. While I understand his reasons for not wanting to draw attention to such issues, it would have been an even better idea to use the Senators words as evidence to sign him up for the nearest “Under One Roof” workshop. Obama should have taken a little ownership over the situation and come out with comments about why the way the comments came out were inappropriate. I’m not saying we should 1984 the man, or that I’d be willing to make him a political correctness martyr, but the issues should have been addressed. Why are these statements being made behind closed doors? From what I hear, more than a few Columbians feel exactly the way Senator Reid feels. Why not take the opportunity to open up discussions about what stereotypes do to people, or about why “light-skin” is looked on as desirable in the first place? He could have used it as an educational point, that’s all. If when language such as the kind spoken by Reid is addressed, then when former RNC chairman, Chip Saltsman, releases a song called “Barack the Magic Negro” no one can claim ignorance.

When in an argument, go for the gut. Does everyone remember when “the Situation” called Snookie fat at the dinner table? Yeah, being called fat burns. What burns even more for a serious journalist is being called out on your credentials. Ann Coulter smashed Keith Olbermann when she said he had a fake Cornell degree because he went to the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences which is a state branch at Cornell which according to Coulter has an “acceptance rate: 1 out of every 1.01 applicants” (which is funny but sad). She really went there. Even Beck knows never to mess with an Ivy League grad and their degree credentials. The next show, Olbermann brought his prized trophy degree from home (or shrine who knows) and spent 10 minutes in rebuttal. Those are the type of tactics used on both the Shore and by the GOP to hit folks where it hurts.

Get to the business. Pauly D doesn’t talk to any girl longer than one day if he can’t get to the business with her. He doesn’t make her any promises and doesn’t say anything that he’s not ready to follow through with. Likewise, Obama has yet to get to the business and make good on promises that he’s made in the past. He said last year that Guantanamo Bay would be closed in a year. He has yet to finish that business. He said that he would end “don’t ask don’t tell”, and has yet to finish that business too. When Mike couldn’t finish quickly enough with a girl, Pauly D abandoned him as wingman. Obama needs to keep the public at his side by finishing what he started.

I could go on with more parallels between Jersey Shore and politics. For example, the National Enquirer reported recently that John Edwards beat his wife during their marriage. Abuse of women is inexcusable at the Shore. He should be happy that he doesn’t have Vinnie and Ronnie on his back about this. Rush Limbaugh already makes insensitive, dumb comments regularly which would make him a perfect fit at the Shore. He’s comparable to “the Situation” in that he’s somewhat of a leader, if only self appointed, and only himself and his fans take him seriously. Limbaugh unapologetically used the word “retard” the other day but only Sarah Palin came out to criticize him. This is similar to when “the Situation” says that even dogs love his six pack, we’re all just baffled.

All in all if the White House is looking for some new blood they should consider the cast of the Jersey Shore, at least before they show up as key note speakers at the next Republican National Convention.